I hesitantly offer this section only because I have become aware myself of how much I have dismissed my own inner awareness’ in this life, and the process of raising L.E.M. has brought up a lot of rediscoveries and reinterpretations for me that I think it might be helpful for others to also look at for themselves in this light….
I highly recommend that young people and adults of ANY age take the time to build or RE-build a journal of their life’s experiences. More than a photo album, even the smallest mini “event” or fleeting thought in your life is worthy or recording. As you do so, I am sure, like me, you will be surprised to discover that your life TOO has a pattern of unfolding inner realities and growing spiritual wisdom.
Thank you, Nancy, mom to daughter L.E.M.
Nancy’s Journal (rebuilt from memory):
1948 As a baby in diapers, I remember well the feeling of flying down the stairwell and then quickly turning around and up again as I heard my mother walking through the next room – I knew she would be mad that I was not in my crib for a nap. (For some years I forgot this and then it kept coming back into my knowing – when I doubted it. I know the difference between memory of an action in a dream and this knowing/feeling of doing the flying in 3-D realtime.
Late 1950’s In the summers especially, I would daydream lying in the warm, not hot, summer sun of northern Wisconsin …I relished the feeling of being in a kind of time- out-of-time space, though I certainly had no words for it then. I was the observer, watching, and often interacted with the clouds floating past my view.
Early 1960’s I often watched silently out my bedroom window at the tree and sky. Sometimes for hours – and would try to understand what the minutely small dots in the air were. I never asked anyone – it seemed apparent that everyone must see them, and I assumed they would think me stupid for asking the obvious. They were NOT rain droplets, much smaller. (It was 1972 before I found a name for it: Prana).
1964-1965 I experienced several blackout episodes. I was tested with EEG, but nothing ever came of it. I went off to college and experienced more but didn’t tell my parents – it just seemed so strange, but I was always OK afterwards. One minute I was sitting in the living room before supper, or walking down the street, or having a yard sale or finishing up breakfast dishes, or listening to the biology professor and the next instant I would have a cold spot in the top of my head and then be unconscious in a flash. This only caused trouble if I happened to be standing at the time – I would fall crashing to the ground from lack of consciousness faster than I could decide to sit down. The exceptional human experience (EHE) part of this is that each time I would “come back” with the distinct feeling of having been up in the “sky” very far away in a sort of floating University in a Lecture Hall that seemed like a smaller version of the Notre Dame Cathedral, side arches and all. What I always heard was the muted sounds of many voices speaking at the intermission, as such. I was always standing near one of the pillars on the left side middle way back in the Hall and everyone was just standing up from their chairs to move around. It was an assembly of like-minded people and seemed so loving, and as if something politically important had been going on.
1965-1966 I had a strong need to search for meaning in my life while I was at college. Had always been very sensitive to the lack of love and respect that my parents showed toward each other. Mom had left the Catholic church and I didn’t know where to put myself on that continuum. Tried out her total swing to atheism, which didn’t work for me. Powerful books for me at the time were all the works of Erich Fromm, a psychologist, such as The Art of Loving, Escape from Freedom, On Being Human etc. Also drawn to Anthropology and the more human stories, The Forest People….
1967 at University of Chicago. Study Indian mythologies etc. AND found at the bookstore by chance, my first Edgar Cayce book.
1971 St. Louis. I “hear” my boyfriend “talk” to me as we leave a jewelry store. I respond to his comment and he is shocked, saying he did not say what I thought he did, that he had only thought it – but I heard him as clearly as at any other time.
1972 Springfield, MO. I am working for a florist/greenhouse and my boss who knows that I am studying metaphysics lets me know that the entire stock of poinsettias are behind schedule to be red in time for the Christmas season. Late one evening after work I go back to the greenhouses and walk and talk with the plants letting them know our needs and asking if they could speed up their growth schedule. 4 days later my boss comes to me and asks if I did anything – that the plants had made up 3 weeks time!!
1973 Driving back to St. Louis from Springfield where I am studying metaphysics, I notice that the car is overheating into the red zone. It is out in the middle of nowhere, and no exits for miles. I talk to my Ford Mustang, which I had already established a good “relationship” with and asked it imploringly if she could just imagine herself cooler and comfortable – and that as soon as I was able I’d take care of whatever was the matter. I literally watched the dial float way down (no, I had not slowed down or anything else that would make something come down that fast.)
1974 Learn to ‘read’ the Akashic Records at metaphysics school. I feel as if I am making it all up, because I do not lose consciousness, it is not hypnosis? But what is it and why does it seem so easy? Perhaps because we are given encouragement and more importantly – PERMISSION – to do so. Like finally after all these years finding a school that brings OUT of you who you are, instead of always telling(SHOVING IN) us what the State wants us to know.
Takes a long time for me to feel right about it – but when other people keep coming to me and saying how much the reading made sense to them in their own lives, that feels good. Also chose to learn group healing ….our Wednesday group of 8 or 9 people had wonderful responses from all over about our absent healing meditations.
Still at the metaphysics school. Living alone, one night I am awakened by a large man trying to rape me. I scream and push, scream and push. He is so large, with a fat belly and very heavy; it is very dark and I don’t see anything. Somehow, he lets go and I, think I hear footsteps going away and a door opening an closing. After a bit I get up and nervously check every door and window in the house and every closet (it’s a small bungalow).
I didn’t occur to me to tell my metaphysics mentor about this, because I had decided I must have been dreaming EVEN THOUGH I KNEW I HADN’T, because neither of the doors or the windows were open??? I forget about this for 10 years or more, until I finally realized that it had been an attempted psychic rape – and that the ‘perpetrator had been the head of our metaphysical school! Who in fact had been another one of those free-sex gurus – why didn’t I notice that at the time – I knew all about him. Very strange that we allow ourselves to have blind eyes; I think it is hard to accept the paradox sometimes – this same man had such a wonderful gift for teaching, and had the energy to put together this school so long ago, before the word new age even existed. One of my classmates told me of an occasion when he and she had been driving somewhere and he literally moved the clouds around to form a picture right in front of her eyes….(no, not hypnotized)…
1975 Living in Wisconsin near family. Working at Ski Hill. Synesthesia -Listening to Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd with friends after a hard days work…. I see the remarkable sounds in my mind’s eye as color and shape dancing – each sound has a different color or shape depending on the quality of it.
Cross-country skiing alone in the woods and come across a particularly light- filled winter ‘glen’ in the forest with birch trees and other downed trees. Standing silently, I hear the first sounds of a northern spring – a drop of snow melt in the winter sun. At the same time I feel the experience of the Birch Tree ‘waking’ up as if an alarm clock had gone off with that dripping sound; I hear the consciousness of the water and the consciousness of the trees…. it is so sublime.
1976 Blackouts again, as they were 10 years ago, but more problematic as it includes loss of bowel control – a little embarrassing if anyone is around. Still the same place in space that I go to. But I wonder if it’s a problem of Hypoglycemia. With all that meditating at the metaphysics school you would think I would have thought to ask about that place in the sky!
1980 -1984 Athens, GA Graduate school for Landscape Architecture. Walk to campus every day (easier than parking the car!). Every now and then, I find myself walking ahead of myself – but I am conscious of being both the me out in front and the me in the back…????
1983 Taking an elective course on Creative Problem Solving with a professor from a different department. Genesa crystal is a construction that you can stand in, created by a geneticist – intent is to have a coordinating effect on brain/mind/body interconnection. It’s effect on me one evening was a full kundalini activation with energy sine-waving up my spine!!
April, 1984 Preparing to travel to Egypt on a Spiritual Study Tour right in the middle of writing my thesis – oh well. Meditating with a somewhat large (fist-sized) stone, I hear the crystal speak to me and I seem to be in their world in a cave, and the most remarkable thing was that I was a different size (infinitely small), but not a different size, and the walls of the ‘cave’ were alive and conscious and welcoming. I was not just observing this, or dreaming, or imagining – but I was being in that space and reality.
May, 1984 Trip to Egypt. Ceremony and prayers at the Queen’s Chamber, Pyramid
Ask for being able to hear – I was so upset that I didn’t hear the spirit world the way some of my friends did …I didn’t feel like I knew what was wanted of me to accomplish in this lifetime – but all I said was that I dearly wanted to hear (I don’t think of this again for another 10 years.)
May, 1984 my experience of L.E.M.’s reincarnation from this perspective of time. I went to Egypt on a Spiritual/parapsychological Study tour with about 30 folks of varying, mostly professional backgrounds. With one friend in particular, Linda Baxley Iribarren, I prepared for several months in advance by doing special meditations and cleansing on what our intent might be.
One artist/scientist friend, David Driver, made for us a copper Genesa (geometrical) object energized with a crystal. Along with three others, we were aware (to varying degrees) that the 5 of us had had previous incarnations together as temple priestesses in Greece and our purpose here was to remember, energize and rebalance the sacred spaces in Egypt.
The 3 week trip started May 13, 1984. On Wednesday, May 23 we had been shown around the Temple at Karnak. I remember having wandered off a path out to the edge of the temple where there was a sense of ancient peace; about the time I felt it time to return to the group, an Egyptian staff person, pointed out to me a small side path with a very small hole-in-the-wall “temple”, indicating that I should go touch the statue in there. He made me feel ominous about it, but I went in and experienced in that little stonewalled room a sense of power and dread at the same time. There was the standing statue of the lion headed goddess.
Later that evening, we returned to the Temple to go the Sound and Light Show around the Lake. Again my friend Linda and I wandered off to our own meditations, just basking in the incredible energy of the immense, night enwrapped columns. Instead of following along with the large crowd of tourists to a view over the Lake for the Ben Hurlike presentation, I went down near the lake itself and enjoyed the reflection of moonlight on the water. I surreptitiously walked around the statue in the North East corner of the huge walled Lake. Our guide had told us during the day that any woman who wanted to find a husband would pray to the god and do the ritual of walking around it 3 times.
I got around it 2 times, when I noticed a white clothed gentleman, and feeling embarrassed, stopped to say good evening. He and I had an enchanted time sitting in meditation together around the Lake, in the shadows of all the people up above, and generally giggling at the drumrolls of 1960’s type music as if out of some Disney movie.
The next week we met in Cairo after our respective tours were over. L.E.M. was conceived on the ‘Nile Princess’ in dock, exactly one week after touching one of the Sekhmet statues and going around another form of that energy.
The entire spiritual knowing between us two was more intense than at any other relationship ever. For many years I had been aware of my spirit guide, who always came in the form of a small intense beacon of light when she had something important for me to be consciously aware of. That evening, she visited me in the moment of love it astounded me. For the next 4 days, I experienced on and off, a hyper vision and sense of connectedness to L.E.M.’s father that continued for many months. On several occasions I needed help walking as I was unable to see anything other than a bright blue cord emanating between us. This cord remained for many months over the 3,000 mile distance(though I could see through it.
August, 1984 Athens, GA. Working on Thesis at school and pregnant. For several weeks needed to come home in the middle of the day for a short nap. I woke up one afternoon with the distinct feeling of someone (in spirit form) sitting down on the side of the bed, and the bed indented there, and then a hand was laid on my back and patting me. I think I opened my eyes and could just barely see with peripheral vision a strong young man with long dark smooth hair and semi-dark skin. He was saying to me, “All is well, do not worry”.
October, 1984 Drive from Georgia to Phoenix, AZ. David Driver and I are hyper aware of the energy, specifically the mental energy of each region as we cross it while driving in the rental van out west. There is actually a sensation in my head of less and less pressure as going west (i.e. less and less populated).
October, 1984 Phoenix, AZ. On our way to a Genesa Conference. David Driver and Linda Iribarren and I go out the Superstition Mountains to a spot that Linda had been to the last year and had a wonderful spiritual experience at. I on the other hand, was having a horrible time the entire time we were in the car going up through the rocks. Every where I looked I imagined that we were about to be ambushed. I felt fearful (NOT how I experience my world at all) and queasy (NOT how I had experienced this pregnancy at all).
When we got up to the spot and climbed the slope, I looked down into the canyon and saw to my horror nothing but blood all over the rocky hillsides – and many, many Indians fighting one another. I sat down to calm down and meditate. Linda told me later that she saw a man with long black hair wide shoulders who cam up out of me and stood beside and cleared a whole karmic lifetime by transmuting energy….! It was the same description as the person who visited me in my room one day to give me confidence.)
November, 1984 I refused any doctors suggestions to have amniocentesis or other invasive diagnostics because of my absolute conviction (at age 38) that the baby I was caring was perfectly healthy.
1985 – 1993 Most all of my time except for work was intensely involved with raising my daughter, L.E.M.. During this time I was so in tune with her as a baby, as a PERSON, that she became my total spiritual ‘endeavor’ if you will. As an infant in arms, we would hum or sing together, each taking turns being the ‘leader’. When we traveled, I would play the color/shape game with her (I think of a color & shape and she would have to tell me what it was I was thinking – then vice versa.) L.E.M. of course was very good it.
By the time she was 2 in 1987, it was obvious that she had tremendous connection to the other realms that most of us don’t see. In retrospect, I am aware that I gave up my self image as an intuitive, to the recognition of her greater abilities… Writing this journal up now (late 1998) really is an eye-opener. It may be slow, but looking back, there is a steady progression of greater and greater awareness of certain things – EVEN THOUGH I may not have recognized it at the time!
[ L.E.M. has been aware of the spirit world since at least 8 months old when I first recognized a particular stare. She has continued to get to know and communicate with beings on a daily basis; as easily, she says, as seeing and hearing a conversation with me. At 5, she had a powerful simultaneous reality experience. At seven, she realized that most of us don’t see auras; she does and can easily tell the life energy of anything asked about. She started doing a form of healing using her hands and eyes at age 10. L.E.M. has also related that she will meet a soul mate at about 15 who is of Chinese extraction to do their life’s work together. ]
1987 I first start to notice a sound in my ears especially in the evening, that I think is coming from the television. Later I think I must be getting sensitive to the electrical lines running in the walls of the house. I just can’t place the sound, it seems to have an omni-locus, but I am so busy with my life as a landscape architect, and with L.E.M. that it doesn’t really stick with me, I let it drop. Sometimes I remember it and wonder if I’m just a bit forgetful – perhaps I’ve heard this all my life and it’s just what you hear when you put a seashell up to your ear???
1989 – I’ve been “talking” to nature, the plants and the designs for the plants that I do for my job for years now – but still kind of shy about it and thinking I’m really just talking to myself – or being silly romantic – I know it must be possible, since I’d read the Findhorn books and really loved Dorothy MacClean’s book “To Hear the Angels Sing”. Yet I didn’t think I was really doing it since I didn’t really hear anything in the standard sense of that word. YET, I have always felt such a peaceful calm when working, walking in nature and a sense of purpose about the whys and wherefores of what to do in the gardens.
from July, 1993 – to date (written May 1, 1994 Sunday)
Since last July, 1993 I have been experiencing so much increased and varied ‘extended senses’ that I want to document this ongoing process for my own learning – perhaps to see a trend and for sharing with others.
Right now I seem to date the current phase of my life from July 1993 when Ariel and I were quietly making curtains for the karate dojang and close to the last stitch I said, “Whenever 2 or more are gathered in my name.”
Somebody said that through me, I didn’t feel it to be my thought – and almost as I said it a flush ran through me and I could not move except to sit down and FEEL or meditate. My solar plexus was spinning.
In August, 1993 I went to the Fifth Way Mystery School’s Sacred Geometry Conference in Winston-Salem and presented my Orbital Calendar. Other speakers included Dr. Philip Callahan, Dan Winter, and Dr. Colette McDowell as well as others.
I had been working with Richard Crutchfield, a dowser, on business consultation for the calendar poster and had not yet come to know the inner purpose of the poster. But I was aware of its intense energy field and that Richard had dowsed that we – I the designer- only understood 1 percent of it – very humbling. I had told him that Kay and I have felt a very strong energy radiance from the very first edition’s proof. When it had dowsed all the way across two rooms in my house, Richard and I took it the next week out to the Peace Chamber land and paced off about 200 feet before the rods closed.
A sense of the positive about earth changes has also been very ‘present’ in this last year.
September 1993, It has been awe-inspiring and humbling to find that the poster radiates such an intense field and that Richard has come to associate that type of dowsing with Sacred objects.
FALL 1993 and The week of Christmas, 1993 and these last 4 months has begun a more pronounced journey for me than even the last 12 months when I had said to friends the January previous that I felt time had speeded up considerably – at least my sense of its passing.
– a sense of time out of time….
– a open-heart day here and there, where everything I look upon makes me feel LOVE intensely.
– I spent 2 days on the couch with L.E.M. cozied up in a sense of “no-time” the days after Christmas (snow and ice storm) and experienced this heart-open space and constant smile flooding through me.
Regarding the HIGH-PITCHED SOUND IN MY EARS: Since 1987 or 88 when I first noticed the sound consciously, I have been in mode of interpreting the high-pitched, omni-locus sound as coming from outside myself. I had been thinking it was from the electrical wiring in the house or the TV or other things). I would occasionally go to bed, while living at Kay’s house, in silent hysterics because the sound was so loud I could not get to sleep.
I happened to discuss this with Vincent Bridges, a dowser and psychotherapist, at the weekend retreat outside Winston-Salem, 1993, who suggested that I must be transducing the ELF waves (extra low frequency waves) into audible sound that is being projected by high antenna in the Asheville area and others. He got all involved in the negative programming the government is doing…but also quite knowledgeable about the reality of our electrical world.
When I had driven up to Wisconsin, I think for Christmas that year, I discovered that the sound was with me in the car for the entire 1500 miles, so that kind of eliminated that hypothesis …AND ..it stayed with me in my Mom’s house in the country, which I don’t ever remember that sound in Wisconsin.
In early spring, a lovely psychic who was considering a workshop in Asheville and needed someone to coordinate it, Danae, told me over the phone that the sound was originating from my home world in Orion star system – a sort of beacon to me, sending me information. I thanked her for her sincerity but still felt really strange about such an interpretation.
When I mentioned this to John Webber, the musician/composer doing my typesetting for me, he suggested another possibility of my Chakras – which some people apparently can hear; and that they were tuning themselves. But I’ve noticed finally that the sound does not change – if that were the case you would think I’d hear more than just one Chakra. I was starting to wonder if Danae’s intuited idea might be the most nearly correct.
Last summer, 1993, when I started working with Richard Crutchfield, I again brought up the sound that was still making me feel kind of nuts esp. at night when other sounds didn’t override it. He dowsed that Danae was correct?? I asked if there was any way to lessen its impact. And he got that they could step it down. I remember it doing that somewhat then …and very thankful; although it had already abated somewhat by the time I spoke with him.
By very late in 1993 though, I had started to become loosely aware that the sound had something to do with earthquakes. In early January, 1994 I was enough upset about the sound that I was discussing it with Linda Iribarren, who has previously figured out that certain unexplained stomach aches of hers are earthquake-sensitive. When we correlated the times that the sound in my ears became screamingly loud with her uneasy stomachaches, we decided that some hell of an earthquake must be going to happen. Los Angeles blew 4 days after that prescient conversation.
Summer & Fall Reading 1993, a friend and landscape architect, Ridgley Robinson had given me the book “Bringers of the Dawn” by Barbara Marciniak which had fascinated me and rang a chord in parts of it – after I got past some of the more outrageous alligator stuff. The chapter on sound was wonderful and the geometry of light and shapes having consciousness – which I have experienced myself in meditations.
Then Yanttay Mott, by way of John Webber, gave me a Xeroxed copy of “Crystal Stair” by Eric Klein and I truly knew I had found among all this newly channeled literature a person who seems so clear. I found myself in silent tears of recognition and thankfulness- – again, to Jesus (Sananda) and found myself in awe at my own responses twice in one summer to the Christian paradigm that I hadn’t used in 30 years.
Also handed to me by Ridgley Robinson, was the book, “Mutant Message” that sang the most incredible song ever – of an American woman’s journey on a Walkabout in the Australian desert with a native group. Truly the most awe-inspiring story – including the groups’ total telepathy as general means of communication; healing a broken leg overnight; and the story of a crystal cave full of conscious crystal walls (beings) – similar to an experience I remember distinctly from a powerful meditation with a stone Linda had lent me 10 years ago, while preparing for the Egypt trip.
At the Sacred Geometry conference there had been some wonderful people who had spoken about a book called “the Keys of Enoch” that is so powerful and intricate that people form study groups to decipher it. At the time I had thought it was from the Bible. Later, the Federation of Spiritual Healers was having a conference and it came up again. Marcia told me of her experience of being drawn to buy it because the symbol on the cover was the same as in a previous dream of hers but she hadn’t read it. I asked if I could borrow it and she left it in my door one day. When I picked it up and got into the house to put things down, I sat down with the book still in my hand and discovered that it was vibrating and giving me a wonderful sensation of meditation and peace. Even so, I have still not read it, it is so detailed. Only one other book has quite so strongly affected me by merely touching it. (Ramtha’s second book 10 years ago made my fingers burn and I dropped it instantly onto the floor.)
In December Joie/J’aelle Bourisseau lent me “Celestine Prophesy”, a charming and easy-to-read adventure that reveals the ancient/new truths in a south American setting and mystery – also very heart-centered. J’aelle also lent me “Riders of the Zuvuya” by Jose Arguelles written just after the Harmonic convergence in 1987 …MUCH easier to read than “The Mayan Factor” and so exciting to feel the sense of synchronicity. It FELT so good I couldn’t put it down until done …and the parallels to the orbital calendar is intriguing. Made me take a look at the timing of my inspiration to do this map and found that it all started within months of the harmonic convergence!!!!!! AND THE SOUND IN MY EARS.
Linda Iribarren suggested the “Holographic Universe” by Michael Talbot and I found reading the two together to be an incredible charge …haven’t finished that one yet though, it is so filled with info.
3 January, 1994 Visited Dr. Rick Essman’s network chiropractic office as a family visit – basically to have L.E.M.’ shoulder worked on which was still giving her a problem since falling out of a tree last fall.
4 January, 1994 Marcia and I realized we have had the same dream re: the beautiful, large houses with an extra room we didn’t know we had.
7 January, Angie Cannady, landscape appt. J’aelle has a dream that is different and yet very similar – large house – but she has in the bottom floor, rumblings.
10 January, Dr. Essman’s Office. While we are all together on chiropractic tables, I experience the sensation of being larger than myself – of me extending out beyond the walls of the room.
January 12, 1994 I experienced a morning in which I could not stand up or function (bumping into walls). I went back to bed and told L.E.M. she would have to get her own breakfast etc. Everything was spinning – or I was, in both directions – alternating. L.E.M. came and stayed with me, laying her hands on my back for the most of 2 hours, I found out later. I had no idea of the passage of time.
Later I managed to drive over to J’aelle’s house on errands and she took one look at me and did her fantastic energy-grounding and rebalancing thing (sort of like Reiki but not). I realized that during the spinning session North kept moving where it was; it kept oscillating. That part might make sense only to those people who know what it means to have an internal gyroscope, as I call it. … Once when working for the Navy, the Captain was showing me the very labyrinthian Training Building and going down and around so many things and floors that weren’t evenly parallel that I got confused and asked for help in which direction in space I was (NO WINDOWS etc.). HE was more impressed that I was even concerned and told me that it is rare to find people who have that skill (and therefore distress over lack of) and especially rare in women…..
January 17, 1994 only 5 DAYS LATER… the great earthquake occurred in Los Angeles. Oh, and one of the days before the quake, the sound in my ears was deafening for most of the day (well, VERY noticeable even while surrounded by much outside noise… I can always talk over it.) Linda Iribarren and I had started to notice a pattern last year already, that somehow her stomach aches of questionable origin and my high-pitched sounds seem to be associated with earthquakes within the next few days, somewhere???
Richard Crutchfield and Yanttay Mott, when I told them of my experience dowsed/intuited that somehow I had helped to act as a stabilizer for the planet so as not to tip too far out of balance!? Truly weird interpretation!
Richard and I meanwhile finally started to work on our companion articles on the Orbital Calendar and Richard dowsed that the inner intent of the poster is to transform our DNA for the ascension process, that each poster radiates this healing energy through any medium including lead (i.e. will do a small neighborhood); that the energy is from Alcyone in the Pleiades and beyond???
The week before the earthquake Marcia and I had had the same dream about absolutely wonderful houses (we found out 4 days later by chance)…and then some days later J’aelle had the same type of dream. The synchronicity was impressed upon us.
There was no school for 4 days after the earthquake because of the ice storm here in Asheville.
During that 1st week of February, I had experienced the sense of smelling almonds in various unexpected places. In the bathroom (NO products with that fragrance); in the car on the highway while taking the kids to school; in the kitchen (I have NO extract in the house); and out in a field.
It really reminded me of 13 years ago, when working in the Greenhouses in Springfield, Missouri I had smelled the fragrance of Gardenias which for some reason I identify with Granny, and there WEREN’T ANY and hadn’t been any there for two years and the smell never came back. Then THAT reminded me of the time in another of Mr. Thruston’s greenhouses that I had come back from a different location to a white-faced coworker who said something like, “but you just already came through that door a minute ago, and I heard the truck door closing before!” I guess my – what is that German word for soul-self? doppelgänger – had just come in ahead of “me”.
The same morning of Ted’s call, Wednesday, I had also woken up with a most remarkable, very ‘real’ lucid dream, first in early am with the comment being said to me from a person standing behind me speaking into my left ear, whom I also saw his back from standing behind him, “THIS IS THE 11th HOUR.” It was not said with alarm or with reprimand of any sort; just a straight announcement for my information.
Then, second, I woke up at regular time with a section of dream in which I walked through a door to a charming kitchen and up to sink to wash hands. There was a small well-designed travel clock, a white version of the black one my mother has had for years that looks so sleek, on the narrow ledge above the sink which said 7 o’clock. In my wake state I felt that the two dreams went together and that the 7 to 11 referred to 4 to 5 months/Years time and having something to do with earth changes/ascension process, as this is the most present thing in my life and has been for quite a while.
Not until several months later did I realize that the one speaking the words had had a white headdress on in the shape of a Pharaoh’s or ascended master’s. (??my ascended self speaking to me to let me know time frame for preparation purposes?) I love this learning to interpret a world without linear time! From 2 February, 4 to 5 months would be 2 June through 2 July. How time flies, that is now only 2 weeks away [writing in May] and I haven’t yet thrown out or sold all the stuff that I have in mind to eliminate from my life. I have felt the need to cut the strings that bind ourselves to energy fields that no longer apply.
February 4, 1994: an old friend I hadn’t seen in almost 2 years calls up and asks me to visit ASAP …the same day …with a sense of urgency. We do and I visit with Yanttay Mott (Bonnie), Aklea and Sensurai for a wonderful, heart-space time in which Yanttay describes some of her wonderful, powerful energy healing work in Mexico on a spiritual study tour and other ascension work going on. Sense of synchronicity is very strong.
6 February, Sunday: I take J’aelle and L.E.M. over to Black Mountain to Yanttay’s. A fateful day that I feel apprehensive about. I had arranged this meeting and yet at the same time feel an Oh-oh. Interesting day, did not have the same heart space as the previous one, with the dynamic changed. A sense of power between individuals on a very subtle level. It turned out that way later too when, Sensurai was playing the piano, doing her music/past life songs. I was so very sensitive to whatever she was playing and could ‘see’ whole lifetimes as she played for several of us. When we asked her to do one for Yanttay and J’aelle together, two came in very strongly and were filled with the power struggle issues that I had sensed on the way over to Yanttay’s house for the afternoon…..
….reminds me to trust my own inner knowing and be open to sensing whatever; that all knowledge is (effortlessly) just beneath the surface for my retrieval whenever I listen.
At that same time Sensurai did what she calls a soul song for me. It made me feel the urge to hold my hands out from just above my heart in the shape of a triangle and to lift up. With the others in the room helping, the name “Ahana” came through. It sounds quite lovely, but I have a hard time with my 3-D mind and the idea of changing names.
16 February: Nancy Dream …Going down to a dock to check on things (out in the woods through some trees) on my motor scooter and finding dying birds on the concrete pier and in the rafters of the semi-enclosed dock. ?Strange light near sunset. I remember waking up and thinking how it seemed to be after a major earth change. L.E.M. had also had a significant dream and I forgot to write down but it had something to do with a little boy and light.
18-20 February: Huna workshop with Halemano Inge at Holiday Inn. Good experience to reminding me what I’m doing here …though I certainly didn’t re-member this for most of my life. PEOPLE. I often seem to always be affecting people and not really aware of it until much later; if someone happens to mention it. I keep thinking I’m supposed to be working with plants ….well, well, it all goes together.
5 March: John came over for supper and all day the high pitch sound had been very noisy.
6 March: Sound still noisy. Marcia, Yanttay and Aklea over for supper. Wonderful visit! Yanttay spoke intuitively and Marcia experienced the spinning sensation.
7 March, Monday: At home with a spacey, confused feeling, ?out of body or didn’t quite fit in my body. Not a headache but something strange. Instead of a sense of pressure inwards, I realized it was sort of the opposite like pressure outwards. Lay down on the ground to try to ground. Yanttay mentioned over phone that I might be experiencing an entity trying to jump in….
20 March, Sunday: Sound is LOUD again. Visions in the early am, geometry: like long triangles pointing east. At 7 PM I found out there had been a 5.2 earthquake in L.A. in the afternoon.
22 March: Tibetan Monk opening of healing sand painting ceremony at Pack Place.
7 – 8 April, Thurs./Fri: high volume sound again.
DREAM: Flying in a 2 storey house I decide that after all these years, I am finally going to just go outside and fly out there, free; so I went out the front door into a courtyard around which there were several houses. Then went back toward the house and suddenly crashed down – landed so hard in bed that I had a sore knee for three days!
15 April, Friday, 1994: Evening appointment at Dr. Essman’s. Marcia is to come over for supper and we are supposed to go out to the movies.
A session again for L.E.M. shoulder and it sure does feel relaxing for me …..when all of a sudden I find myself experiencing energy running up my body and sweating and moving in strange fashion. Dr. Essman has me sitting straddle in the table, I begin to feel an intense prickling electrical feelings running down my arms and out my hands also the soles of my feet and whole chest and up to my shoulders but not beyond. I was not always “me” and an intense light was in my eyes – shut.
This went on and on I know, but I wasn’t really aware of the passage of time. When I was able, I asked Rick to help me to the bathroom – I didn’t think I could stand up without falling. He called Marcia to come and get me and we ended up all going over to my house. It had been 2 full hours and Rick had to get his tax return into the post office. It was very gentle and wonderful to have two good friends just be by me in this intense heart space. Rick suggested I need to read a book by the Grof’s on Spiritual Emergence. None of his practice members had experienced this level yet, but he knew network chiropractic could do this. He thought I might need to see a counselor (no thanks.)
16 April, Saturday I called Kay Bruch because Rick had mentioned that the only place he had seen this depth of response was in a Holotrophic Breathwork workshop. Kay mentioned that it was common to have a repeat of the experience within a few days and that I should not drive AT ALL. But L.E.M. had a birthday party and soccer to go to etc. etc. So Kay said to VERY CAREFULLY concentrate on ONLY ONE THING at a time when driving and to be very, very gentle with myself; boy, was she right about it all. L.E.M. even kept tabs on the traffic and stop lights etc. I was barely conscious at L.E.M.’s soccer game and slept in the sun on the hood my of car and couldn’t even begin to participate with the other mothers. I was just floating in space and feeling in a heart space all the while…..
20 April, Wednesday Had another appointment at Dr. Essman and asked spirit to “please make it reasonable” that I had to pick up L.E.M. from soccer in only half an hour. So, in fact, I did have another kundalini experience, but it was more controlled – I felt so wonderful and warm and I sent all the energy in me with love, to Mom.
6 May Friday Kundalini electrical discharges again at network chiropractic – 1 ½ hours. Dedicate self to service to others, again and again.
At home, VERY tired, laying on couch, a spontaneous experience of color and shapes with music and the consciousness of ….. each note on a different instruments has different color and sound – all in 3-D. The blue elongated triangles in front of the red squares, in front of the yellow circles etc.
4 July, Monday Just before going over to Harriet’s Moms house on Town Mountain Rd for the evening to watch the city fireworks, L.E.M. tells me she has been playing/talking with some Indian spirit friends in the back yard.
6 July Wednesday Dream: With Picard in a huge room in a “practice” module that creates a gyroscope to become adjusted for space travel. There’s a lot more that made this one seem very special but I forgot to write down at the time.
Mentioned to Vincent at the end of the weekend about L.E.M.’s visit with the spirit’s who told her that they had this stuff on them that would allow them to dematerialize – Vincent said that it sounded just like something written by Terrence McKenna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told them also about my experiences with the kundalini energy at the chiropractor’s, especially one of them in which I had this need to put my hands out and up in a sort of prayer or energy thing ……both Vincent and Darlene recognized instantly just what it was I was doing – some positions from Egyptian, that in essence draws my energy self grounded into me. It felt really wonderful to copy their complete positions. Seemed like the whole reason for going to that weekend- – – besides the fabulous pond in the woods!
29 July, Friday Worked at Rick Essman’s for barter. GOOD HEART OPEN DAY!!
3 August, Wednesday Appt. at Essman’s in AM. Saw through the distance, passed ?3-D in another network chiropractic session of altered awareness. Stomach and eyes felt the……
Written August 17, 1994 With the intense rains we had been having in western North Carolina, I had slept very peacefully and had woken at 5 am (2 hours earlier than usual, but a great time for quiet meditation for me). After wondering why I was (half) awake, I remembered the phone call of the day previous and thanked Spirit again for the intense recognition coming through a stranger (her dream in which Metatron told her she HAD to have my Orbital Calendar Space Poster).
I slept some more; was awake again around 7 am. with more rain, and enjoying the reverie state with no thoughts, OR visuals – when ‘out of nowhere’ a very bright blue sky appears, VERY far away, with a large, mostly rectangular gaseous cloud floating from East to West (right to left). I intuit that it is so far out, though still in the atmosphere, but so far that it is almost at the edge of ‘space’. This ‘cloud’, white on top, has strong, dramatic highlights of heavy yellow gold and a bit of green, like I might see in gasoline spilled. Then at the front of the ‘cloud’ (left side) an intensely bright (laser-like) light explodes and sends out three, oddly-trajectoried streams of light (if there were objects in this explosion I didn’t see them).
The suddenness of this vision shocked my system so, that I shook in bed and was in instantaneous fight-or-flight breathing mode with the feeling of my chest and eyes having been hit.
8/27/94 Mt. Gilead, N.C. L.E.M. and I went down to Darlene and Vincent Bridge’s house in the country outside of Charlotte – to Mt. Gilead for the weekend. After a wonderful sacred ceremony Vincent led in their ‘temple’ room, I mentioned about the waking dream and the loud explosion and ‘cloud’. Vincent instantly recognized it as the experience of having come to edge of one dimension and almost making it consciously to another …??? (ask him again for more details.)
6 September, Tuesday Had blips of the past – smells, clean air / Wisconsin …high school. These come and go at various times every year or so.
7 September Same types of blips – – a sort of bleed-through in time, as if actually there for an instant.
20 September Tuesday Working on article at home; mild headache; nuts about the gifted program problems at L.E.M.’s school. Sense of expanded self? Or? Or?
9/30/94 I saw a bird (hawk) in the sky yesterday, circling Kay’s house three times.
5 December, Monday Had a session with Eric Bergland! Wonderful feeling. Said I should not be concentrating on landscaping??? yes, on the calendar??? HOW? HOW? Etc. Most wonderful however, was the conversation over the sound I have been hearing for so long now. As I started to relay the story to date, he asked which note it was. I told him of having tried many times to get that right, and that every time I used somebody’s piano it wasn’t quite G or A but must be A flat ….he jumped in with a smile and said it was definitely A-flat, and that the reason I wasn’t quite sure was that no piano could produce pure tone and what I was hearing was a pure tone. Oh, how good that made me feel! He’s a musician – but how did he know so surely?
Eric said that he has met only very, very few people who can hear the EARTH, the actual frequency of the planet EARTH. One of them is a young man in Germany, I think he said, just recently on his harp concert tour there. Also said that it had even been mentioned by Alice Bailey I think, I told him that I had read some of her work in metaphysics years ago but didn’t remember that – ought to reread……. This realization through Eric has incredibly changed my perspective and comfort level and pure joy in realizing what is going on and that I can DO something about it. I asked him so, what is this FOR? Eric replied, “It’s a gift, Nancy, not a problem. When you hear it especially loud, call all your friends and let them know so that we can do extra special prayers for the Earth; she is in need of help at those times.” Oh, the JOY of finally knowing about the Earth-tone!!!!!!!!!!
10 December, Saturday Eric Bergland Workshop. Interesting and affirming. What stands out is his description of some angels that he works with, at one point, I realized with swift shivers, that the person who had spoken to me in an ‘awake’ dream last spring, about the 11th hour, had been “Gabriel”. I am in awe of this continuing resurgence of the spiritual as expressed through the traditional Judeo-Christian cosmology – but boy, oh, boy there truly seems to be happening to many people this increased awareness.
Gabriel or his emissary is the one who has been seen by many people on the highways asking for a lift, mentioning something like, “Gabriel’s got his horn to his lips”, and then disappearing out of cars – it’s even been reported in the news by Paul Harvey and others.
4 January, Wednesday EARTH-TONE was loud all day. In evening we went to see the movie “Nell” with J’aelle. L.E.M. especially related to the wild girl and her animals.
5 January, EARTH-TONE still loud all day. Called Marcia – says she also noted it yesterday.
7 January, Saturday Work at home; L.E.M. puts on the music “Wings to my Heart” and we DANCED in Joy – such an incredible light joyous feeling in my whole being and esp. Heart area when we do that – her animal spirit friends really bring it in!
9th Notice that the Earth-tone volume is regular. Called J’aelle – sound is down for her too.
10th Woke up in the middle of the night with the idea of finishing the large drawing and with the words for explaining it – like for on a card or something. Really realized how much of little fairy sprite these beings were, that I had drawn out of the Formica years ago.
12th Woke up with minor headache?? Marcia reported nausea and complete loss of energy.
13th, Friday Kathi aware of Whales singing along with the dolphin sounds she always hears – first time for the whales for her. Just all of us are aware that something is building??? Marcia came over for the night. We all three had such a special time. L.E.M. answers questions for her from her spirit friends. Marcia helps L.E.M. with her developing – it’s okay etc.
14th DREAM: flying around naturally at a community compound in the country.
16 January, 1995 Monday Well, it finally made itself apparent!! Japan Earthquake 7.2 Marcia can’t think/out of sync; Kathie says felt ‘small’ all day long and out of sync with EVERYTHING.
17 January I noticed for a split second that the counter top was the wrong height ***** i.e. I was experiencing myself to be another height than usual.
18 January Earth-tone is high (aftershock in Japan) continue working on Baroody’s Biokinetic book as well as Asparagus book.
27 January Earth-tone is making me nervous it is so piercing ….it went on through the night.
28 January On 11 p.m. news, discovered a quake in North West – no injuries.
1 February, 1995 Noticed Earth-tone is up while working on McDirmitt’s book, “Milk, Meat and Strong Meat of the Bible”, and then with John Hilgerdt on the phone.
14 March, Tuesday J’aelle called re: crazy energy (moon strangest in centuries?) The quality of the sound. Also L.E.M. is in tears – what oh, what is going on?
In discussing the blips of being different heights etc.; J’aelle is experiencing that as well as Marcia and Kathie! Kathie said that she was experiencing being so large one day this week that she had to make an excuse at work and be driven home because she COULD NOT OPERATE the cash register or her car. Similar to Marcia and myself last year with the spinning – having to be driven home from work by friends who wouldn’t think we were nuts, nuts, nuts……. This seems to be happening fairly regularly to all of us now. What are we prepping for?
15-16 April, 1995 Sat-Sun FULL MOON Easter L.E.M. and I were invited out to Jane and Will Stanhope’s country land where they have just completed building a cabin, one room, no well etc. for a native American dedication ceremony and Easter party and overnight for those who wished. It was a truly magical time, relaxing to the point of realizing just how unrelaxed we stay so often from just the everyday stuff. Everybody had brought a potluck. L.E.M. and I brought also some of the Hopi blue corn that we had grown last year, for the dedication. Especially wonderful was the flow of time (or no flow??) Great afternoon walk up and around the mountain to another valley and down along a water course. L.E.M. and I slept under the stars and woke every now and then to see where the full moon had progressed across the sky. I could hear all sorts of critters but the most amazing was this strange thumping sound, very earthy and almost as if it were in my ears, or heart or…. I found out next day that it was Grouse, that they sound like a tractor starting up slowly…. Oh, I am sure it has a wonderful beneficial effect on the planet….
This is about the same time as last year that I realized that the intensity of Earth tone fluctuations sort of stabilized to a standard for part of the year …before …what ……hum?
9 May, Tuesday Later, after L.E.M. in bed, I was again working on Ted’s work at the computer late evening; I finally realized I was smelling the fragrance of sage – for the longest time I couldn’t place it, because it was out of context. When I associated it correctly I looked around quickly to see if L.E.M. was up after all and if she had put it on – no and no. ??? Vaguely thought, who is visiting, now? and went on with my work – when I got up for some water, though, I noticed it again – and, that the fragrance was only at the one end of the room, I couldn’t smell it in my room or the kitchen OR the other end of the living room!!!
Had the thought to ask L.E.M. a couple of days later if she could ask her spirit friends who had been visiting and why. She reported that they were kind of dwarves whose job it is to go around and cleanse whatever needs it and yes, they were cleansing me, but mostly they were helping on Ted and his book
written August 3, 1997
A week in the life of my mother making a remarkable transition.
My Mother’s Metaphysical Transition
Update September, 2001